Abbie's Story, pt. 2: Journey Back to Faith

Bob 0:00

Abby, welcome to love shaped life podcast where our goal is to help people to see experience and live the radical love of God. With me today in the studio is Abby, Owens. Abby, we want to welcome you. Nice to be back. Thank you. Abby, so this is your second time back, we had recorded and already released your first story, which is called Abby's story. If you haven't had a chance to see it, we encourage you to check it out on YouTube, or you can listen to the audio version on your favorite podcast program. Abby, in that first story, we talked about how you were raised in a dysfunctional religious home. Your father was a pastor. You went to church. Often it was a very difficult situation, because at church and then at home, there was sometimes perhaps two different things going on and very confusing. And then you grew up there you actually enjoyed. You went to Academy, which is a church High School, right? A high school, I should say, run by the church. And you enjoyed going to that Academy, correct? I did, yeah. And then when you turned 18 years old, an unfortunate thing happened where you became pregnant, and then you were pretty much pressured into because it was considered the right thing to do to marry the young man. So after you got married, that turned into abusive relationship for about 12 years. And that abusive relationship was physical. At times it was verbal. Often you mentioned how you would have black eyes. You were very bruised. You ended up having several children. Yes, I had two children. You had two children, and after 12 years, the marriage ended, right, correct? Yes, yeah. And then, you know, life goes on, and some unfortunate circumstances happened as well. And you can listen to that again in part one of Abby's story. So just to pick up today, we want to talk about now more going into the healing process and what that was like for you. So as your son grew up, you mentioned in the first story, he began to like be on the streets a lot, and you had remarried, and you were praying. You began to pray, yes, right? You began to pray for your your son, and he actually, one day, invited you to come to church, yes, right? You weren't sure about going at the time, right?

Abbie 2:28

I was not, I want, I want to have a relationship with God, but I was, I was down with going to church, yeah, because

Bob 2:36

of your previous experience and what happened to you during your pregnancy, and how you were treated by what appeared, what you thought was your church family, right? So there was some negative things there, so he but you eventually went to the church, and God was moving on your heart, and you ended up getting baptized along with your husband, right,

Abbie 2:55

right? It was the first time that I saw my first miracle, and it was seen God used my son to bring me back. And not only did I change my life, but he changed his life. So that was the first miracle I witnessed. That's beautiful,

Bob 3:12

yeah, that's beautiful. When you say, Bring me back, where you're talking about bringing you back to God, right? Yeah. Just to clarify your church, yeah, and church, you were bringing you back to God. So, Abby, you were baptized. And so share with us what was life like for you after your baptism. It

Abbie 3:31

was exciting, because I had been on this new journey learning, and I thought, you know, things are going to be different. And to my surprise, you know, not much changed. It was more the reality that things around me, you know, my even though my marriage is good and my husband had also accepted Christ, I still had dysfunctional relationships and healing. And so I just thought it would all go away. And so, you know, after baptism, I had to have a different approach, and it was going to be a long journey. So overnight, yeah,

Bob 4:13

so you were happy you were baptized. You know, you were walking with God. You were seeking to walk with God. But again, your environment still hadn't changed. You still had some dysfunctional relationships happening that you had to deal with. And your hope was that obviously, like we all do, things would just be perfect and everything was going to be smooth from the Nana. But that wasn't a reality. You also had, you know, scars to deal with, because being verbally abused, physically abused, being rejected by a church family when you get pregnant, and that picture of God that you you know, was shown to you, was something that you pretty much had given up on God at that time because you didn't feel worthy of God, right?

Abbie 5:00

Right? And that was the hardest thing to overcome, was the negative thoughts that I had in my mind, because you're not fixed overnight, and no one could fix me, other than God. And so it was the beginning of my journey, but the scars were there. So

Bob 5:18

could we say it's a process, right? So that in that journey, it's a process to healing. Yes, the healing began, right? Yes, but there was still the reality of you're still dealing with thoughts, memories,

Abbie 5:34

still not feeling good about myself and still not

Bob 5:37

feeling good about yourself. Abby, there was a song that I had listened to that reminded me of you, and I just wanted to share with you the lyrics and see what you thought of it. It's called scars, and it goes like this, waking up to a new sunrise. Looking back from the other side, I can see now with open eyes, darkest waters and deepest pain. I wouldn't trade it for anything, because my brokenness brought me to you, and these wounds are a story you'll use. So I'm thankful for the scars, because without them, I wouldn't know your heart, and I know they'll always tell of who you are. So forever, I am thankful for the scars. It reminded me of your story, because you talked about, you know, after you were baptized, how it was like, like, the new sunrise, right? You were looking back now to the other side, and you shared with me how even walking on the beach, or, you know, things were different. Yes,

Abbie 6:33

I just had a different outlook and at life. And I mentioned my dog. I had a dog that was just our pet. Now, I look at my dog as a creature that got created for me, and he's my best friend. But little things, you know, walking on the beach in the past, I would just go to the beach and the beach now I actually feel God's presence there, and everything about it makes me meditate, and this makes me feel close to him. Yeah, that's beautiful. It's just a different Yeah, mindset, yeah. So

Bob 7:07

there was this awakening, right? There was this new you're a new creature in Christ, so to speak, right? God is changing your heart, but you still got these scars to deal with. So Like the song says, you know, I'm thankful for the scars, because without them, I wouldn't know who you are. Do you feel that way in your life? Yes,

Abbie 7:24

I think that having gone through what I did and having all that pain is what drew me closer to God. I had been hurt so much in the past that I was just running away, but it took me down rock bottom. And if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have been searching. And so it did bring me back to God.

Bob 7:48

So looking back now, because that's what the song's talking about, about looking back, you see things from a different perspective, like you had mentioned it earlier in your first episode, how that you didn't really see God. You know, when you were in that dark spot, right? You didn't see God. But now you're looking back and like you had mentioned earlier, you you saw God, and God using people to help you along the pathway, right, correct? So now you're on this journey for healing from these scars. What was that like?

Abbie 8:17

It took a while. It took a while, because my self worth was so destroyed, and even though I was on the right path, my marriage is good. My husband also I said through Christ, so we had that in common. I had support, but the pain was still there. It wasn't as raw as before, but now what I'm dealing with is, is all the thoughts, all the negative thoughts about myself, were still there, you

Bob 8:48

know, just to stop there for a moment. You know, the Bible says that life and death are in the power of the tongue, right? So when you're being verbally abused, you had mentioned to me that you would rather been beaten physically if you had a choice between the two than the verbal abuse because of the impact.

Abbie 9:03

I mean, they're both bad, but yes, that this stores your self worth, and I believed it. It got to a point that you start hearing that so much that you really believe there's something wrong with you, that you're not worth worthy. And so that journey takes a while, because even though you accept Christ and you know that he can change your life, those thoughts are in your mind, yes, yeah, they're powerful. They're powerful. And so for me, again, it took a long time, but it was dismissing those thoughts and replacing them with something good. And as I started growing and learning who God's character is, I felt like, if I'm thinking this badly about myself, that's kind of offensive to God. And so I started feeling bad about, you know, thinking that way, and started reframing and just replacing, no, I'm not worthless. I am worthless. I mean, I am worthy. I can be loved. I'm not unlovable. All those thoughts that were going through my mind, I had to dismiss them, but it took a long time to believe it. Well,

Bob: 10:10

again, we talked about a process of healing, right? So a relationship with God is a process where we've all been affected by sin, right? Whether it's through other relationships, just being born into this world, the effect that it has on us, and then those voices in our head, right? Oftentimes, unhealthy self talk becomes so loud that even though we've been baptized, you've been baptized, you still have these voices in your head, so to speak, that are that are dominant. They're telling you that you're worthless and you're not worthy, right? You're just there. Was negative. So what happened in here, if I understand that you correctly, is as you came to know God better and see the beauty of who God was, and you were being attracted to God because God's speaking life into you, and you're seeing now that you're a value in God's eyes, but now you are making a decision to say, I'm not going to think these thoughts anymore. I'm going to embrace what God is saying to me. Is that correct? Was this part of this transformation process that was happening?

Abbie: 11:12

That's correct? Yeah. I mean, I started, you know, studying more, and I got involved in different study groups, and it's a combination of a lot of things, surrounding yourself with people that value you, that help build you. I needed, I needed a community. I couldn't do this by myself. So it was God. It was the positive people that I chose to surround myself with. It was trying to learn, trying to get to know God more, trying to have a different outlook by taking better care of myself. My mental state of mind was so damaged that it took a while to fix well.

Bob: 11:49

And I would just want to say that even the people that are listening to this podcast and all of us, regardless of where we come from, we're all damaged a certain to a certain degree of how we're thinking and how we're processing. You know, the Bible says that, As a man thinks in his heart, so is he, so that what we're thinking in our mind is who we become. If we look in the mirror, we can see that we're the products of what we're thinking, right, right? So it's really a beautiful thing. You're talking about walking with God, and how God is showing you how to replace what he's thinking about you, you know, take what he's thinking about you and replacing those negative thoughts, right? And that's what you were doing. You were embracing that. But you also mentioned the value of community. I mean, when you look at God and the Godhead, that's a community. God created us to be relational beings, because he's a relational beings. So we need community, and you made a decision to surround yourself and put yourself in a positive community people that were going to lift you up and encourage you. I did. There's value in that, right?

Abbie: 12:53

And in time, you know, you're studying with a group of people, you're socializing with a positive group of people, and just by meeting people, starts leading into different things. I remember going to different seminars or book clubs, and they were like meant for me. There was a couple that I went to, one that was forgive to live, and helped me how to forgive those that hurt me, that's good, and to release that poison. So that was therapeutic and healing for me. So

Bob: 13:24

let's stop there for a moment, listening again to you. You are making choices, yes, right? There's a little saying, we make choices, choices make us Yes. So you are making positive choices to improve yourself, yes. So there's a part for us to play in the process.

Abbie: 13:39

Absolutely, we can't just dump it along God and ask God to fix us. He is there. He walks with us. He guides us. But we have a part to do.

Bob: 13:49

Yeah, you know, there's a story in the Bible. It's the man at the pool of Bethesda. He was lame, right? He was crippled, and Jesus came unto him and asked him if he wanted to be made whole, right? And so. And then as as the story goes on, Jesus told him to arise and walk. So as he took what Jesus said and he chose to get up and walk, Jesus made him whole. What you're doing is you're choosing to get up and walk, right, because Jesus has promised to make you whole. He's making you whole, but you're choosing to walk, in other words, helping yourself, cooperating with God, yeah, and that's huge, I think, for all of us and people that are listening, is to realize we have to make choices and act on those choices for the process of healing to take place. Yes,

Abbie: 14:35

and when you make those choices, God does bring people in your life at different times for this different seasons or reasons. It just happens. And I was blessed to have a circle of friends that, you know, encouraged me, and that led to a lot of different things that I started growing and healing. I don't think that it'll all be completely gone till we are with Jesus face. To face. And I think those scars are there for us to remember and and share. There's others that are going through that experience, and when you share, you can bring some motivation and hope for somebody else. When

Bob: 15:15

you say that those scars are not going to be completely gone. We were talking earlier, and you were talking about how you don't have to allow the scars to define who you are, yes, so you weren't allowing, and still aren't allowing the scars to define who you are. You're allowing God to define who you are, that you're a value in his eyes. You're a child of God. You are loved by God. Correct,

Abbie: 15:39

correct. Yeah, correct. I am no longer that person, and I look at the podcast and I it hurt to relive that and to see that happen to me, but at the same time, I just don't recognize that that girl, hmm, at all. Well,

Bob: 15:57

that's beautiful. So share with us how you to to help people that are listening, how not to allow those scars to define who you are, right and how you've done that in your life, right?

Abbie: 16:10

It takes worth work, and I'm the first thing is you have to surrender and ask God for help. And in my case, I could not do this alone. I wanted a better place. I was just rock bottom. And in order for me to heal, I need to, I needed to ask God to help me. And, like I said, surround yourself with people that can, you know, lift you up and be support system. And there's no shame doing that.

Bob: 16:40

That's good. Yeah, that's good. Well, sensing that we need God, we were created to live in a relationship with God, right? We were created to live in relationships with each other. So our society looks at dependency is a negative. But in God's perspective, dependency, in the sense of of God needs us. We need him. Relationally speaking, is a positive, right? So you are sensing that you need, you need to help,

Abbie: 17:08

yeah, and I think that's the circle of life we're meant to love and to receive love. And when you are in that circle, it becomes healing when you're able to give it back and to receive. So it's not just one way very

Bob: 17:25

good. I want to back up to something you said earlier. You said you went to a seminar called forgive the live. Right? Yes. So in that seminar, forgive to live, you said you learned to forgive those right. Tell us about that. What was forgiving those who had hurt you? Like? What was that process like? Did that all of a sudden, like a light bulb went on and you just forgave? Or what was it a process? I mean, share with us that

Abbie: 17:48

was many years that it took for me to forgive, but what I learned in that seminar is that that's like a poison that you hold inside, and that doesn't mean that you restore that relationship, you may never speak to that person again, but to forgive is to let go of that and not hold it harbor any resentment in your heart. And so I did that, and at the same time through that process, I learned to reframe, to see why that person was abusive, why that person brought harm to me. And when you do that, you start seeing, you know the dysfunctional that I mean, something bad happened to that person too. You know abusers abuse others. So,

Bob: 18:33

so you were making excuse for them, right? But you were actually, by reframing understanding you were, you were seeking to understand how they became an abuser, right? But not necessarily. You weren't clearly not condoning their what they were doing, yeah, right. They were just empathizing with perhaps, how they ended up there and that that helped you forgive. It

Abbie: 18:56

did. It did. And again, it doesn't mean that the trust is earned or that a restored relationship, you know, occurs, it just means that you let go of the poison, and I chose to do that. Yeah,

Bob: 19:09

well, bitterness and resentment is a poison, and it will crush us on the inside. The interesting thing about, you know, resentment and unforgiveness is that other person could be free and they're not even thinking about you, and you're a prisoner inside your own heart. And so that's why God says to forgive and it shall be forgiven. Thee, just like God forgives us, he wants to forgive others, so that we can be free, right? We don't have to be prisoners. And praise God, you chose to forgive. Yeah,

Abbie: 19:39

it freed me. You know, I have no resentment. Yeah, I

Bob: 19:44

liked what you said. It freed you. It did. You know, following what God says is freedom. Yes, you know, Jesus said you should know the truth, and the truth shall set you free. There's freedom. And. Following those principles Amen. Yeah, so you had shared with me before that you read a book called the lies we believed right and and that helped you a lot. It

Abbie: 20:12

did. And again, those those lies are from the enemy, because the more that we believe these lies, the more we are in chains, and you become unworthy, you just become like you. You start believing that, and it just changes your whole character. And by not believing that and changing your thought process again, it frees you to be somebody else, and so that seminar helped me a lot, or that book actually helped me a lot, to dismiss those thoughts,

Bob: 20:47

dismiss those thoughts. I think it's huge. Again, I know we had mentioned earlier in the podcast, but again, recognizing negative thought patterns, because those thought patterns become like ruts in our mind. I mean, they're just embedded in there, and so the only way we're going to get rid of them is by embracing what God is saying and just seeking to replace it. Doesn't mean it's going away, right? But what God is saying can become the dominant thoughts, right? Like you are forgiven now. We don't have to deal with I don't have to walk the right way around guilty and ashamed, because God has forgiven me, right, right? You're a value in God's eyes.

Abbie: 21:29

And just seeing how God sees us, he doesn't see us that way, stupid, dumb, unworthy. I mean, he doesn't see any of that. Those are really powerful words. And if you keep thinking that you're going to believe that, and I really wanted to change that. I did not want to view myself like that in a negative way. And I felt like, like I said earlier that it was kind of a sin to think that way of myself when God created me, you know, to his image. Yeah,

Bob: 22:00

I think perhaps for our audience, just expanding, you were saying that you felt it was like a sin to think that way. Yeah. From talking to you earlier, I think you were expressing how you felt, like, why am I thinking this way? Right? Because God is speaking to me in a positive light. So I'm actually hurting God, right? Exactly? I'm hurting God by not embracing what he says

Abbie: 22:24

exactly, and everything I'm reading in the Bible and all the sacrifices he's doing for me, and it's like I am not accepting that gift by putting myself down. What

Bob: 22:38

portion do you think of your healing process, could you attribute to that, to embracing what God was saying versus those negative thoughts that were in your head, like you were told you were stupid, you were worthless, and those stuck with you even after you're baptized, and now you're saying, Hey, I'm not going To think that way. I'm going to accept what God is saying to me. I'm not stupid. I'm a child of God. How much do you think in your healing process has that impacted you?

Abbie: 23:11

A lot, a lot. I mean, just just learning about God through the Bible and the promises. I mean, they're for all of us, and so I'm one of those. I mean, so it's I'm not excluded. That's for me too. Oh, beautiful. Yeah,

Bob: 23:29

I think that's so important that the promises of God are for all of us, right? And for those of you who are listening, when God is saying something, you're reading the Bible, God is speaking to you and speaking to your heart, as well as to your heart and my heart. Oftentimes we think it's for somebody else, right? And we hear, but we don't hear so to speak, right? Because what God is saying is not penetrating down to level our emotions where we're embracing it, right? We're accepting it right, right? So we're seeing what God says, but then we need to accept it as our own, and that's what you are doing, yes, and I think that's so important for all of us. And process, and part of the healing process is to be accepting that yes, yes, yeah. Praise

Abbie: 24:14

God, yeah. And in prayers, I mean, just seeing prayers answered for me. And it's not like every single one was answered, but there were so many prayers that I look back as I did journal, and I would write a prayer, I would ask for something, and then years later I would I would see that it happened, God answered that prayer. So that's strength thing to your faith, that you know he's listening to you, that you are worthy. Yes.

Bob: 24:42

Abby, share with us in this healing process. You said you still were surrounded by some relationships that were still toxic, yes, but what changed

Abbie: 24:53

me? I had to change my approach. I had Christ in me, and I. Also felt this responsibility to be better and be a better example. I didn't ever want my family or my friends to say she hasn't changed. She's the same person. And I really felt that level of responsibility, and it didn't happen overnight, but in time, I think our my relationships improved, because people did see a change in me. And when there's a change, there's more trust. And I have just learned to, you know, deal with the situations a little bit better. And it's not worth, you know, the argument sometimes, you know.

Bob: 25:36

So you you God had changed your heart, and now in God, changing your heart, you were looking at those relationships a little differently, yes, right? Instead of looking at the anger, the resentment that you had, you are now forgiving, and now you are seeking to be a better person, even to those people. So it's so interesting, again, to me how circumstances may remain the same, but if we allow God to work in our heart, we see those circumstances differently, and we will address those circumstances differently.

Abbie: 26:12

Yes, it's not that I consider myself better just because I'm a Christian now, but you can see some of the characters and behaviors so molded that there's no change, and you can actually see that and be compassionate that it's unfortunate, because we all want to change. And when you see someone not changing, then it's everyone has hope, but at the same time, you start recognizing that that they're damaged. So

Bob: 26:46

again, you're you're reframing, right, reframing the way you're looking at the circumstances, yes, which is such a gift from God to change your heart and anyone's heart, and you're still dealing in toxic relationships, but you're not affected by them the way you used to, right,

Abbie: 27:08

right? And I think that's, that's the beauty of, you know, having God in your life that he does help see things differently that I would have never seen before. You know, yes,

Bob: 27:21

so this healing process, again, we're talking about healing process. Is there anything else that you see that are that you've done in the healing process and cooperating with God? You know, you talked about making choices right, to better your environment, to feed yourself with positive things. You talked about reframing, right? You talked about changing the way you were thinking and embracing what God was thinking, and that was a large part of your healing process, right? Anything else that you feel you could add to

Abbie: 27:57

that, I built a community of amazing people around me. I've gotten to do activities and things that are interest my mind, and I like to take care of myself. I think working out is also a big part of your mental health. It's all a big component of things you

Bob: 28:17

said working out. So we're talking about exercise. So do you exercise on a regular basis?

Abbie: 28:23

I try to. I think it's good for the mind. Yes.

Bob: 28:29

As far as, again, God created us whole, right, mentally, physically, emotionally. So exercising helps our mental outlook, and also, says our mental outlook is improved. It helps us in our communication with God, yes,

Abbie: 28:45

all of it, physically, mentally and spiritually. I think that those three goes hand in hand,

Bob: 28:54

you know, again, back to our song, Abby, you know, he goes on to say, it goes on to say, here about how again, the chorus is, I'm thankful for the star, those scars. It goes on to say, now I'm standing in confidence with the strength of your faithfulness, and I'm not who I was before. No, I don't have to fear anymore. So I'm thankful for the scars, because without them, I wouldn't know your heart, and I know they'll always tell me of who you are. So forever, I'm thankful for the scars. Do you feel that way? Do you feel like you're standing in the confidence of God with the strength of his faithfulness and you weren't who you were before? Right?

Abbie: 29:34

Definitely I'm not. No, I'm a new person.

Bob: 29:40

You know, I think we, we talked about before, not allowing your past to define you, yes, right? Yes. So today, when you wake up each day and you're living with your relationship with God, do you have thoughts from your past that come to you?

Abbie: 29:56

Never, never. I mean. Very honestly, very seldom, very seldom. Nothing

: 30:03

triggers those thoughts and thought patterns. No. I mean, no, no.

Bob: 30:09

I think, What? What? Perhaps Abby. And again, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but as you grow in your relationship with God and and God, what God is saying to you, becomes stronger. You're embracing what God is saying. So he's healing you, right? He's healing you. Those voices in your head are becoming weaker. What wants to find you. They don't define you anymore, until you become strong and like the the song says, your your confidence, because your strength is in God's faithfulness, right? Because he has healed you, yes, and it's healing you, right? Because, like you mentioned, healing is a process in a journey that you know, it just continues to go. So it goes on to say, again, I can see, I can see how you delivered me in your hands and your feet, I found my victory. Amen. You feel like you can see, I

Abbie: 31:07

can see. And I'm grateful. I'm grateful because talking about the past, even though I don't relive it that much or think about it, but it just makes me so grateful where I am, where I'm at today, and that God, you know, took me from that bottomless pit that I felt that was in and brought me here. So

Bob: 31:29

I know that. I'm sure people that are listening, there are times in our life where we feel like we go into a bottomless pit, right? There's just dark parts in our life, and sometimes we're not even sure how we get into that bottomless pit. What would you say to people that are in that situation today is to a pathway to get out?

Abbie: 31:55

You gotta seek for God. It's the only, the only person that can bring you out, nobody can get you out of that hole.

Bob: 32:05

And I want to stop there, and you're saying, seek for God. So you remember, in your original podcast, you had a bad religious experience, right? Where, when you got pregnant, you felt like you were rejected, not that you felt like you were really rejected by your church family, right, right? And you didn't even consider yourself worthy anymore. So now, as your journey's gone, God's opened your eyes, because through the scars you've you've also he used your son to bring you to the point of seeing him and his beauty, yes, right? So when you're saying, seek God, because he's the only one that helped you, regardless of people's religious experience, whether it was bad or good, yes,

Abbie: 32:47

because those people did that, and not God. And so I had the wrong picture of God given to you by people, given to me by people. But there's also this need, this longing for God. And I think you have to, you know, the first thing is prayer. Prayer, I mean that that connects you to God, even if you're not comfortable opening the Bible and understanding the Bible just talking to God cry out for help. Cry out for help, and he will open avenues and ways to help you.

Bob: 33:29

So Abby, how do you see God now?

Abbie: 33:33

I see God as my personal Savior. I think he's beautiful. I think God has been faithful to me my whole entire life, and he's pursued me, pursued me my whole entire life, even through the dark, even through the dark, he was there. He was there. I look back and I see where he was or the people he sent, but he was always there caring for me. Yeah. What

Bob: 34:00

else you see in God, this God that has healed you, this God that you wake up to every morning to spend time with and to serve.

Abbie: 34:10

He wants a relationship with us, and he wants to save us. And to me, that's, you know, I love getting up early in the morning and spending time with him, and that's something I started years ago, and that's what really started changing my life. Yeah, so

Bob: 34:26

again, when we're looking at seeing God, you saw God as somebody who's always pursued you. He's always been faithful to you. He's loved you, right? He's forgiven you, yes, he wants a relationship with

Abbie: 34:41

you, and he's restored me, and he's restored a different place. Yes, beautiful,

Bob: 34:46

he's delivered you. Yes, right? So that's why you're thankful for the scars. Yes, because without them, you wouldn't have known God's heart. That's right? So you've God has taken a bad situation in your life. You. Turned it out to something beautiful. Yes, would you trade it?

Abbie: 35:06

I mean, I wish I've never went through that, but I I'm grateful that I did, because I've learned and it's made me stronger and it's brought me closer to God. So I won, yeah,

Bob: 35:19

so it wasn't God's like will for you, or perfect will go through such a thing, but he used that bad situation and turned it into good and and we're grateful that that's who God is. Yeah, that God is faithful. God loves every human being. God never gives up on any human being. God will forgive whatever sins, whatever guilt, whatever shame we have, he can remove it all. Yes, he that you mentioned about there's a longing in our heart, right? Every human being has that longing in the heart, because God put it there, and only God can fill it, right? We can try to fill it with the things of this world, but they don't satisfy,

Abbie: 36:02

it'll leave you empty. We'll leave you empty. And that's where I was. I had been in the world, and then, you know, I just had enough. I just wasn't satisfied, and I was empty. And when I started, you know, searching, and, you know, having Christ in my life, it just changed my whole life, and having been here and here, there's no comparison, no comparison. And that's what I would say to someone that's going through, you know, difficult times that that will pass, that will pass, and God will get you through it. Amen. And all those things that, all the negative things that's happened in your life, God can turn them around for something good. I

Bob: 36:42

think that's a great point, because sometimes when we're in that dark valley, you don't see it, you can't see it, right? You can't see your way out. But in that dark valley, God is there, right? That's why it's so important. Like you mentioned, to cry out to God, even though you can't see right, and then he will get you out. So when you were talking again earlier about cry out to God, you're talking about this God who you see now, yes, right, yes. Don't allow any of your past, if it's negative religious experiences, and not everybody has negative religious experience, to define God for you.

Abbie: 37:18

Yes, yeah, you have to find out for yourself and and that's what I went on this journey to do, yeah.

Bob: 37:27

Oh, beautiful. Well, Abby, was so grateful for you, because now where you've come from, your story again, you came from this, this very challenging life, abusive situations, to a life where God has healed you and is in the process, I should say, of healing you, and he uses you to help other people find him and find healing. Yes. So in closing, Abby, is there something that you would like to share, something that perhaps you would want to speak to people who are listening to your story. Something you would want to leave them with? What would you want to leave them

Abbie: 38:07

with? Never give hope. Never give up on hope. I mean, when you give up on hope, there's nothing left. So don't give up on on that and that God is listening to you. Just reach out to God and cry cry for help. And you know, this is a subject we talk about abuse, but it's a subject that it's not talked too much about, and it happens in Christians homes, and under no circumstances that's okay. I think sometimes we make that okay, and you take it like you cost it or you're at fault. And I would just encourage women to be strong and to not, you know, tolerate something like that, because that's not true love and and to not be in a situation like that. Unhealthy,

Bob: 38:58

unhealthy. Yeah, yeah. Well, Abby, your story is again a beautiful story, and seeing God working in somebody's life, and that's the life God wants to work in everyone's life. So wherever you find yourself to be, if you're listening to this podcast, we want you to remember that the God of Heaven is a God of love, a God who wants you, desires you, sees that you're a value in his eyes, and He will deliver you from whatever circumstance you find yourself in. He will deliver you if you're weak. He will strengthen you if you're ignorant. He'll give you wisdom if you find yourself tempted or a slave to certain habits. He'll break those chains. He will deliver you. That's who God is. That's what God wants. Embrace that God. We encourage you again to give God an opportunity that you might see his beauty and experience Him for who He is, that you can live out the radical love of God and experience the healing. That has come to somebody like Abby's life as well. And remember, love shape life. You want to check us out, go to our website, love shape dot life. That's love shape dot life. We do have a community that we are seeking to form and forming of people who want to live out and experience the radical love of God, and until next time, we encourage all of you to lean in to a love shaped life you

Transcribed by https://otter.ai